Fan Girl Friday

19 Sep

Ah, Friday. Once again you grace us with your beautiful presence and boatloads of geeky gossip and fangirl fabulosity to get us through the last few hours of the grind!

Remember last summer when that weirdo-beardo statue of Colin Firth’s Mr. Darcy popped up in a lake in London, leaving many of scratching our heads and thinking, “Huh?” Well, our favorite sexy sleuth has done his own rendition of “Darcy-ing”, wet t-shirt and all! (Warning: this picture is very swoon-worthy. Try not to faint, ladies.)

"I love you, most ardently."

“I love you, most ardently.”

And he’s not just doing this so we can all bask in the glory of Benedict’s beauty. This is one of many shots taken for the “Give Up Clothes for Good” campaign, benefiting cancer research! Its a win-win!

 

In other crush-worthy-television-nerdy-boy news, the final season of How I Met Your Mother is going to be released on DVD in just 4 days! There’s going to be tons of bonus extras, including a MUCH better ending to the tale of Ted Mosby (but you can watch it before you buy it here) and we FINALLY get an answer to the question that’s been plaguing us since Season One: WHERE DID THE PINEAPPLE COME FROM?!

ted gif

Seriously! We were told that all loose ends were going to be tied up but there’s was no reference to the pineapple incident at all in the season finale! That is, until now. Oh yes my friends, the mystery has been solved:

 

Comic Con 2015 tickets go on sale in TWO months, people! Hear that, Huff the Hubs? TWO. MONTHS. I think I need to start getting my cosplay outfits ready. Starting with this a-dork-able hoodie from Think Geek!

"Hey, puddin'!"

“Hey, puddin’!”

Isn’t it awesome?! I must has the precious!

 

Whenever I’m asked what my spirit animal is, its an easy answer: Grumpy Cat. I freaking love that feline! Even though she hates everything, I adore her (yeah, GC is totes a girl!). Which is why I am extremely excited that Lifetime is doing a movie about the kitty this winter. And the voice of the angsty cat? None other than Parks and Rec star, Aubrey Plaza! Isn’t that perfect?!

We hate all the same things.

We hate all the same things.

 

 

Do you realize that there are only 96 days until Christmas?! Let that sink in. And, if you’re like me, you know about half a dozen little girls who desperately want Frozen toys. If you’ve been to Target or Wal-Mart lately, you may have noticed that finding anything with Anna, Elsa, or Olaf’s face on it is like searching for a needle in a haystack.

frozen toys

 

But, according to The Huffington Post, Disney manufacturers WILL be able to provide dolls, action figures, and dress up outfits for your Frozen fan this holiday season! Disney claims they learned their lesson after what happened with The Little Mermaid. Evidently, “researchers” thought that little girls wouldn’t want to play with dolls with red hair (idiots) so they ordered basically ZERO dolls and/or memorabilia! They lost out on a ton of cashola and kids all over were forced to pretend to be Ariel in their bathtubs because there were zilch dolls!

 

All this talk about shopping and Christmas is getting me amped up for Black Friday! Maybe I should go look at my Black Friday prediction sites…

Writer Thursday

18 Sep

Hey guys!

Remember about three months ago when I shared the beginning of a new YA novel I was working on? I FINALLY wrote some more!

Before you read on, start here to read the opening scene and then continue.

I hope you like it! (And if you don’t, keep your mouth shut. Nobody likes a Negative Nelly.)

 

 

———————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————-

My best friend in the entire universe, Josie, was abandoning me. For the entire summer. Okay, so maybe abandon isn’t the right word to use here. More like, going-to-a-camp-for-super-smart-engineering-wannabes-who-will-probably-end-up-working-for-NASA-or-as-Disney-imagineers. And yes, I know that’s more than one word, but I don’t care. I don’t care about anything. Because Josie leaves tomorrow and I’ll be alone.

 

Well, I won’t technically be alone. My irritating little brother will be here. Which means all of his annoying friends will be here. Every. Single. Day. That’s why I’ve decided to refer to this summer as: Suckfest 2014.

 

My alarm started to go off again. I didn’t bother hitting the snooze; that was just delaying the inevitable. Maybe if I stayed in bed long enough, Mom would come up here and see my laying in bed and tell me I didn’t have to get up.

 

Five minutes later, Mom was knocking on my door.

 

“Winnie, you up?” she called through the Harry Potter poster-clad door.

 

I groaned weakly.

 

“I don’t speak zombie,” my mother said out in the hall.

 

“Just come in,” I whined.

 

“What’s the matter?” my mom asked as she opened the door.

 

“I don’t feel so good,” I said, making my face look as pitiful as possible.

 

“You know this day will continue to progress even if you stay in bed all day.”

 

She was on to me.

 

“I really don’t feel good,” I moaned. “Honest.”

 

“Arwen Renee Stephens,” my mother said in a stern voice. (Yes. My parents named me after an elven princess. They never even gave me a chance.) “You cannot hide from your problems. You are seventeen years old. You are far too old for these childish games. Get up, get dressed, and get going!”

 

I threw the blankets over my head and whined even louder.

 

“Winnie, come on,” my mother coaxed in a softer tone. “Seriously. If you get up now I’ll stop you by Starbucks on the way to school.”

 

“Fine,” I said, uncovering my head. “But I’m not just getting coffee. I want at least three cake pops.”

 

“Deal.”

 

No Post on…Wednesdays?

17 Sep

No post today.

This girl was running a small fever, super snotty, and very, very clingy.

1a

 

I guess the only thing that soothes a teething 12 1/2 month old is shredded cheese and turkey. Oh, and an amber necklace and Baby Tylenol.

Try It Tuesday

16 Sep

It’s fall, y’all! The temperatures are dropping (although in Oklahoma its felt like mid-summer today) and its time for some hoodies, scarves, and crock pot meals!

(I don’t know about you, but I LURVE my crock pot. I used to use it at least twice a week and not just in the fall and winter.)

I saw this on Pinterest and was super excited because 1. I already had everything to make it (meaning no need to go to the store) and 2. three words: Stove Top Stuffing.

original

Here’s what you need:

ingredients

~One box Stove Top Stuffing

~1 can Cream of Chicken soup

~1/2 cup sour cream

~3-4 chicken breasts (thawed)

~1/4 cup water

~a crockpot

 

First, place your thawed chicken breasts into your crockpot. Then, cover the chicken with the stuffing mix.

Stuffing in Crock Pot

 

Grab a medium-sized mixing bowl and pour in the soup, sour cream, and water. Mix well.

Soup Mixture

 

 

Pour the mixture on top of the stuffing mix in the crock pot. (Do NOT mix with the stuffing. Just pour the mixture on top.)

In Crock Pot

 

 

Then, cover and cook on low for four hours!

Unfortunately, I don’t have a picture of the finished product. Why? Because this dish was so stinking good that by the time I thought about taking a picture, every bit of it was GONE! It was sooooooo good! I’m DEFINITELY making this again!

 

Ode to a Breast Pump

15 Sep

Dear B.P.,

It’s been a fun 12 ½ months, but, this is where we say adieu. And let me tell you, I’m not sorry to see you go.

When we first began our relationship, I welcomed the 3-4 breaks I would take while at the office. It was a welcome respite from the daily grind. I’d take you into the empty office, close the door, and try to beat my high score on Candy Crush. We were close; bosom buddies, if you will.

 

But then, you quickly turned on me.

pump

You became my enemy.

 

I grew tired of your constant whirring and groaning. I often forgot about you until my chest throbbed like my big toe after hitting it on the table leg. You began to chew at me, causing whelps and blisters. You made me crack and bleed and even caused me to spill the precious “Liquid Gold” because your cord was way too short as I tried to pick up a dropped toy (for the fifth time) for my crying child across the room.

Your mere presence was enough to make me sigh exasperatedly.

But then I remembered how you helped me nourish my child while I was on a much-needed break. I thought of how you gave me some freedom and my little girl the ability to visit both sets of her grandparents without a two-hour time limit.

Now that I am packing you away for storage, I’m a little wistful when I think on our time together. But, I know all too soon I will be coming for you when we decide to add another to our brood.

See you when I see you.

 

Love,

Jessica

Fan Girl Friday

12 Sep

Happy Friday, peeps!

I’ve got some geek-tacular schtuff to get your weekend kicked off right!

 

Its the end of the workweek. You’re probably uber-excited to say “sayonara!” to the office or maybe its been a stressful week and you’d rather just give the office The Bird. If this describes you, I’ve got JUST the thing!

punching bag

Its a desktop punching bag! Its suctions to your desktop so after those annoying meetings (in which nothing gets done) you can take out your aggression on this!

 

Remember a few months ago when I tried the TARDIS simulator online and it was a total bust? Guess what? I found one that actually works! And its awesome!

TARDIS

Just click this link, then mouse over to the TARDIS and click the “X”! You won’t be sorry!

 

Its getting super close to fall, which means its time to stay in, cozy up, and bake some awesome treats! And what better way to enjoy sweet baked goody than with this amazingly nostalgic Mario mushroom pan?!

Level up with sweetness!

Level up with sweetness!

And the best part? Its less than $10! Those peeps over at Think Geek just get even more awesome!

 

The other day, I went to visit my niece and nephews. They were so excited about something their mom had bought them. They ran up to me and said, “Aunt Jessie! LOOK!” and held up one of these:

Snackeez

Isn’t that awesome?! Its called Snackeez. Its a reusable cup with a snack cup built in! I’m seriously geeking out over this! I want one SO bad! It’ll totally revolutionize road trips!

 

Writer Wednesday

10 Sep

Today’s Writer Wednesday is more of a journal entry than a short-story. I Googled “writing prompts” and found this one:

 

“Write about a time you were scared for your life.”

There have been many times I have been scared. I’m not ashamed to admit that I have in fact peed myself because I got so scared at a haunted house (I was 18…yeah.). But there was one day that I was really, truly scared I might not see another day. And, as it turns out, the thirteenth anniversary of that day is tomorrow.

————————————————————————————————————

 

 

I seriously thought the world was ending. I had never, ever been so scared in my entire life.

 

I had woken up extra early that morning. It was picture day, so I wanted to make sure that I looked awesome. I picked out the perfect outfit, did my makeup so well that there was not even a hint of the dreaded “Base Line” we ladies know all too well, and my hair was on point.

 

My first class hour of the day was Office Aide. I basically had an hour and half where all I had to do was sit in a chair and run errands for the secretaries. Needless to say, it was my favorite.

 

I sat a chair in the office, looking through a magazine another aide had left behind. The phone rang and one of the secretaries answered, “Good morning, Southeast High School.”

 

She sat for a moment, listening to the voice on the other end of the line. Suddenly she cried, “Oh my god! Are you serious?”

 

I looked over at her. She thanked the woman and hung up.

 

“We need to turn the news on,” she said to the other secretary. “A plane just hit the World Trade Center. They think the pilot had a heart attack!”

 

We turned on the static-ridden television in the office and turned it to NBC. There was Matt Lauer and Katie Couric, talking about what had just happened. They showed the tower. It was engulfed in flames.

 

“Oh my gosh,” I said. “That’s so sad!”

 

As we watched the tower emit dark smoke clouds and heard the newscasters give their theories on what could have happened to send a commercial jet into a skyscraper, another plane rammed into the side of Tower Two.

 

My body went cold. That was no accident. That was intentional.

 

Couric gasped in surprise; there was an explosion of chatter coming from the news team. Lauer said, “That was another plane! We saw a plane circling.”

 

The phones started ringing off the hook. The principal came in and said we were on lock down; students, faculty, and staff had to stay in their classrooms and offices. No one was allowed in the school and no one was allowed out.

 

Not an hour later, we got word that the Pentagon had been hit.

 

This is it, I thought. This is Armageddon.

 

My short, 17 years I had lived flashed before my eyes in a blur. There was so much I hadn’t done yet and so much I wasn’t going to get to do. I just knew this was the end of the world.

 

As the day went on, more information came in. Some was accurate, some was just rumors. The White House was going to be attacked next. A third plan was on its way to the Capital Building. Tinker Air Force Base was on high alert; they could be a target. News was streaming in from so many different sources, nobody knew what to believe. Phone lines were down, parents were demanding to check their children out of school.

 

I called my mom.

 

“What do I do?” I asked, half-sobbing.

 

“Stay calm,” she said. “Let me talk to the secretary. Go home and wait for Bridget. I have to go get gas.”

 

“Get gas?” I asked, incredulously.

 

“Yes,” my mom replied. “They’re going to start gouging; I heard someone say ten dollars a gallon! We’ll need it if we have to leave town.”

 

That shook me to my core. What was I going to see on my way home? Was it going to be like the post-apocalyptic movies I had watched? Were people going to start looting and fleeing cities for the less-conspicuous countryside? I had no idea. All I knew was, I was scared and I wanted my family.

 

I got home, unable to remember how I got there. I knew I had to have driven myself, but how did I get here?

 

Finally, my family made it home. I breathed a sigh of relief.

 

We’re all safe, I told myself. We’re all alive.

 

I spent the next 8 hours in front of the television. All regular programming had stopped. For the first time in history, all the major stations—NBC, ABC, and CBS—were sharing information.

 

At last, America knew the truth: we had been attacked by a terrorist group. There were four planes: one to hit to Tower One, a second to hit Tower Two, a third for the Pentagon, and the fourth was meant for The White House. Because of some brave passengers, the plane was maneuvered to a field in Pennsylvania.

It was so difficult for me to go to sleep that night. When I closed my eyes, I saw the smoke. I saw the ash-covered faces of the firemen and police officers. I heard the cries of relatives of those in the World Trade Center.

 

We’re safe, I repeated. We’re alive.

 

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