From the title, you may be a little terrified to read this post. I promise no stories about scary medical supplies, no disgustingly cute nicknames for Lady Town, and no metaphors about how its like car maintenance. That is not this kind of post.
Today was my first trip to the Baby Doctor. It was first thing in the morning, so if it went well, I’d be calm all day, and if it went bad, I wouldn’t feel guilty spewing morning sickness all over the office.
Huff the Hubs went with me, partly to hold my hand, and partly because I’d need a witness should they do something terrible to me.
It wasn’t bad at all. All I had to do was ask a bunch of questions and answer a bunch of questions about my medical history. And, since I was a good girl, Huff the Hubs took me to Sonic afterward. I know, I behaved nicely. However, I did learn some new things about pregnancy that I thought I’d share with you.
1. Don’t go sky-diving.
Evidently, you’re not supposed to jump out of a plane when you’re preggo. Huh. Who knew? You also can’t zip-line, scuba dive, or wrestle alligators. Guess I better rip up my application for The Amazing Race.
2. The first trimester sucks and makes you feel guilty for all the things you ever did to your mother.
You’re basically sick for three entire months. You also eat like a horse and have mood swings that make The Incredible Hulk look like Mother Theresa. I’m honestly contemplating buying my mother a yacht for all the shiz she had to endure. Totally surprised I didn’t come out of the womb grounded.
3. People will judge you for everything you do, say, drink, eat, or wear and make you feel like you’re going to be a terrible mother. (Don’t listen to them).
“Um, are you sure those tater tots are good for the baby?”
“Oooo, I notice you’re drinking Diet Dr. Pepper. If you drink that, your kid will come out shaking like a meth addict.”
“My brother’s friend’s counsin’s mother’s accountant said that eating hot dogs while you’re pregnant increases the likelihood you’ll have a boy. For real.”
4. Not all men are insensitive jerks when it comes to their pregnant wives.
Case in point: Huff the Hubs. He’s been my absolute rock and has definitely won Husband of the Year. I know its only been 8 weeks, but with the nausea and zapped energy levels, I’ve needed his support and loving attitude every single day. Each day he tells me how thankful he is that I’m carrying our baby (while cleaning the kitchen or cooking me breakfast. Yeah. He’s a keeper.). I think he’s saying that partly because he wouldn’t want to be the one to carry the kid. (Oh, how I wish we were seahorses…Sometimes.)
5. Don’t Google ANYTHING.
Seriously. Just don’t do it. I used to when I would think I was getting sick and it was awful. Made me into a hypochondriac. (Makes me think of that kid in The Switch trailer.)
6. Don’t watch the video at the Lamaze class.
The nurse’s exact words? “If you take the Lamaze class, skip the one where they watch the video. Its like watching Jaws before visiting the beach.”
See? That post wasn’t bad. Although, brace yourselves. We never know what the next doctor visit could bring. I think I’m going to do some Googling…