Why I Think Pregnancy is Like A Cymbalta® Commercial

Have you ever seen those commercials for anti-depressants? Of course you have, what am I talking about? The only commercials on TV now are either prescription medication commercials or that weird commercial for McDonald’s Fish Bites® (must be Lent season).

 

Anyway, those commercials typically list a variety of symptoms that mean you’re clinically depressed. If you listen closely, you’ll find that they are also symptoms of pregnancy. Don’t believe me? Let’s take a look, shall we?

 

Do you suffer from…

 

1. The inability to eat?

When you’re constantly dry-heaving over the toilet (or trashcan, out the car window, and in one rare case, your cubicle partner’s potted fern) with morning sickness, you typically don’t have an appetite.

 

2. Overeating?

On those rare days when morning sickness seems to wane, one thought and one thought alone enters your mind: “I WILL EAT EVERYTHING IN THE KITCHEN!”

 

3. Insomnia or Sleepiness?

It’s the strangest thing: when you’re pregnant, you sleep during the day and can’t sleep at night. I feel like a freaking possum without the awesome ability to see in the dark.

 

4. Frequent mood changes?

The other day, Huff the Hubs made a joke. It wasn’t that funny, but in the moment I thought he was George frakking Carlin. I literally laughed for four straight minutes. Then, I immediately burst into tears. Which last about 20 minutes. All the while I kept saying: “I don’t know I’m crying!” (Shhh….just rock in the corner and chew your hair…)

 

5. Zero interest in things you used to enjoy?

You mean like showering? And wearing pants that don’t have elastic waist bands? Yeah. Screw that. Where’s that half-eaten bag of Funyuns…?

 

Alas, there are some ways pregnancy isn’t like depression. You can have people do stuff for you just because you’re knocked up. You have an excuse as to why you ate your sister’s entire plate of onion rings while she went to the bathroom. You can also use morning sickness as a way to get out of stuff (“Your dog’s in a fashion show? Oh, I would but I’m not feeling too hot…”). I’m still counting down the days to the magical second trimester, where everything is unicorns and butterflies. And, actually, THAT sounds better than any anti-depressant commercial out there.

 

 

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