Maternity Photos

So, last night, me, Huff the Hubs and the family went out to a local park and took some family pictures. My sister is basically Annie Lebowitz and takes awesome photos and wanted to get some of the fam before they leave for Maryland. Anywhoo, after the family schtuff was done, she took some maternity pics of me and the Hubs.

I really wanted to do some kind of theme with the pics (i.e., Star Wars or The Walking Dead) but we simply didn’t have enough time for my sister to be able to do that (she has three adorable kids and everyone in the extended family wanted to see them at some time or another to bask in the glow of their cuteness) plus, I hadn’t really done any research on maternity photo ideas.

But last night as I was doing my nightly ritual of saying: “I better to go to bed” but really picking up my phone and looking at Pinterest until midnight, I came across something during my search for “maternity photos”. I must warn you: its equal parts amusing and horrifying at the same time. Don’t believe me? Look at these pictures…

 

Have you ever seen the movie The Good Son? No? Take a gander at this and then read the plot on IMDB. I guarantee you this child would’ve been perfect for the role:

"My new little brother? I think I'll give him the Dudley Dursley treatment."

“My new little brother? I think I’ll give him the Dudley Dursley treatment.”

 

For some reason, I have a feeling they are going to name their child Cristal or Smirnoff:

"Labor is hard. Thank goodness I gots my Four Loko!"

“Labor is hard. Thank goodness I gots my Four Loko!”

 

Everyone who knows me, knows I love Disney. But I think these Lion King enthusiasts went a tad overboard:

"Our son will be a mighty king, so enemies beware!"

“Our son will be a mighty king, so enemies beware!”

 

Many people have asked why I’m not going to have a 3- or 4-D ultrasound done. Because when I think of those, this is all I can see in my mind’s eye:

"Ain't she cute?"

“Ain’t she cute?”

 

I…what…There are no words for this:

Get a match.

Get a match.

 

Remember in the 90’s how EVERYONE wanted to do Glamour Shots? You get to dress up and take pictures and feel oh-so-glamorous for a while? I get that when you’re pregnant you want to feel good about yourself…but there’s also a line that should not be crossed…

"Can we make this quick? I gotta get back to my shift at the Lusty Leopard."

“Can we make this quick? I gotta get back to my shift at the Lusty Leopard.”

 

Did you know former Playmate Holly Madison recently had a baby girl. I think she’d even have enough sense not to do this:

"Hef, this may be yours!"

“Hef, this may be yours!”

 

So, I get it: kids are cute. And, if you have a brood of them, you want them in on the “Mommy’s-got-a-baby-in-her-tummy” action. But this photo is a little too Norman Bates/Game of Thrones for me:

"We love the baby...until it takes Mommy from us..."

“We love the baby…until it takes Mommy from us…”

 

Why do people feel the need to put their firearms in maternity pictures?! (This is not the only one I saw on the website!)

"If labor hurts as bad as everyone says it does, you're a dead man."

“If labor hurts as bad as everyone says it does, you’re a dead man.”

 

And finally, when I saw this I automatically thought: “If Kip from Napoleon Dynamite were a pregnant woman, this would be his maternity picture”:

"I'm having your baby. Also, I caught you a delicious bass."

“I’m having your baby. Also, I caught you a delicious bass.”

 

 

 

One thought on “Maternity Photos

  1. Pingback: Work that Bump! | The Huffman Post

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