Today is mine and Huff the Hubs’ second wedding anniversary! Yippee!
Honestly, it doesn’t really feel like two years have gone by. Some days it feels like we just got married yesterday. Others it feels like: “Well, this is just how its always been; me and you.”
Over the past two years, I’ve felt like I’ve learned a lot about marriage, men, and relationships. I’m by no means an expert, nor do I feel like books I read and people I talked to fully prepared me for marriage. I think marriage is like most things, you get a lot of “on the job training”.
But, in the spirit of passing on wisdom, I thought I’d share what I’ve learned in my two years of marriage.
1. Even if you really don’t like your spouse’s hobbies/interests, eventually you’ll get sucked in.
When Huff the Hubs and I first got together, he loved anime and Japanese movies. I hated them. I loved was obsessed with Harry Potter, he thought it was okay. Now, I actually like anime and he’s read all of the HP books. (The guy even agreed to name our daughter Hermione!)
2. Encourage each other.
In the months leading up to our engagement, Huff the Hubs was still in school. There were times (mostly around finals) that I could literally see the effects that his high-pressure degree was having on him. He would lose weight, have dark circles under his eyes, and would sometimes go hungry rather than stop an 8-hour study session. I knew that he needed me to be his cheerleader. I’d write him notes, take him food, and just say encouraging words to him. And he does the same for me. He’s always there to tell me “Good job!” or “You can do this!”.
3. Be silly.
Sometimes, life can be too serious or you can take yourself too seriously. Loosen up! Its okay to fart in front of each other and its okay to laugh at dumb jokes, and its especially okay to act like complete weirdos together. Marriage is about loving and accepting each other no matter what weirdness you bring into it.
4. Take care of yourself.
I’m sorry, but what wife wants to come home to a dirty guy that hasn’t showered, has food running down his shirt, and belches a greeting? Not this chick. And I don’t think a husband would want to come home to a wife with crazy hair, still wearing the pajamas she had on that morning. I work from home most days, so I don’t throw on a dress before Huff the Hubs comes home. I sometimes don’t even put on makeup all day. But I do make sure I don’t look a hot mess when he arrives. Simply brushing my hair and throwing on some lip gloss gets me a kiss and a: “You look pretty.”
5. Help each other be healthy.
One of the ways I feel like you can show someone you care is by how you treat your body. I want to be able to be around for a long, long time for Huff the Hubs (and our kids). I want to be able to go hiking, go swimming, and chase the Littles around the park. I know HtH wants to too. One of the things that drew me to the hunk of man I married was that he placed a lot of value on eating right and exercising. I feel like so many health problems can be avoided simply by eating right. I don’t want to have some sort of debilitating health condition (that could be prevented) that turns HtH into a caregiver at a time when we should be enjoying our life together. We take care of ourselves for our own health, yes, but we also take care of ourselves for each other.
6. Protect each other.
Something I’ve learned over the past two years is that spouses need to be each other’s first defender. If someone attacks that person (literally and figuratively) you should be the first one to step up and defend your husband/wife. Sometimes I can take my role of protector a little too seriously (one day I’ll blog about the guy that got up in HtH’s face at the midnight showing of Harry Potter and I tell you about how I went southside) but I know HtH knows I care. And I know he does too. Especially during the pregnancy, HtH has been careful to make sure I’m okay and not in any danger. Although it’s hard for him to protect me from my own clumsiness.
7. Make time for each other.
Yes, married time is important (nudge, nudge; wink, wink), but so is couple time. That time that you spend together, just the two of you, not worrying about bills, work, or the noisy neighbor upstairs. HtH and I try to have a date night once a week (and please spare me the: “Just wait, you won’t have that come September” line. It’s important to us, so we’ll make it a priority. So shut your gob.). Whether it’s going to the movies, going out to eat, or just calling in a pizza and watching 10 episodes of Adventure Time, we try to have an evening where we shut out everything else and just spend time together.
8. Help your spouse bond with your family.
My family and I are very tight-knit. I talk to my parents and sisters at least every other day, if not every day. They are super important to me and the five of us have a special bond. When HtH and I were dating, he said he was a little intimidated because we had so many inside jokes and he couldn’t really keep up with our ever-changing subjects at dinner. Over the past two years, I’ve seen HtH really fall into place with my family. He’s to the point now to where he goes places with family members when I’m not there and really makes an effort to form relationships with them.
So, what about you? Is there anything about marriage you’ve learned over the years?