Before I got pregnant, I thought I was finally getting to a point that I could accept my body the way it was. For years, I would hear people say: “I’m finally okay with my body. I just need to accept it the way it is.”
I didn’t understand that.
For years I had always been working toward a goal. I had lost the 40 pounds I had gained after a bad breakup and when I was finally at my goal weight, I didn’t know what to do. I kept eating right, working out, and tracking my food intake as though I was still trying to lose weight. I would check my calorie app all the time. I’d Google the nutritional values of restaurant foods so I would know what I “could” and “couldn’t” eat. (I even did this before mine and Huff the Hubs’ first date. I asked him where we were going as soon as I could so I could look up the menu.) Back then, I didn’t think I had a problem, but now, looking back, I know I did. I was addicted.
When Huff the Hubs and I got engaged, I was afraid that I would settle into married life and let my physical fitness and health go by the wayside. I had this mindset because so many people around me were like, “Get ready; you won’t care about running or counting calories when you get married. He has to love you no matter what. So you can get fat now.” I think I let that add fuel to the fire of my food/weight/exercise addiction.
But, thankfully, throughout our marriage HtH and I have both stayed pretty healthy. We both workout and try to eat right. When I got pregnant, I was terrified I was going to hate my body. The weird thing is, though, that once I got past the nausea-stage of pregnancy, I actually felt good about my pregnant body. I felt okay with my body changing and getting bigger and liked how I looked.
There was still a fear in the back of my head though; that once this baby wasn’t inside anymore that I’d fall into a tailspin of depression because of how I looked. Now, I actually like my body. I don’t know if it’s the fact that my body has changed so much that I’ve been able to accept it or if I’m so amazed at what my body can do that I think, “Heck yes! I’m awesome!” And I have NEVER felt that way before. Ever.
And I like it! I like finally feeling okay about my body and I’m not going to let anyone take that from me.