Tomorrow is the Fourth of July and I know many of you with small children will be loading up the family and taking them to see fireworks. May I offer you a piece of advice?
DON’T DO IT!
Seriously. Just don’t. Why? Oh, I’ll explain. Welcome to my presentation: The Seven Stages of Going to See Fireworks With Babies and Toddlers as told in gifs.
Stage One: Excitement
Husband: “Honey, the Air Force Base/church/local petting zoo/tire and lube express is putting on a fireworks show for the Fourth! We should take the kids!”
Stage Two: Prep
“Johnny needs diapers, wipes, a sippy cup, and hat. Suzy needs a water bottle, a change of clothes, and her favorite bear. We also need bug spray, sunblock, lawn chairs, snacks, a cooler…”
Stage Three: Finding a Spot
You will NEVER find one close enough no matter how early you arrive.
Stage Four: Waiting For the Fireworks
“Mommy, when do they start?”
“Mommy, where are the fireworks?”
“Mommy, I want to go home!”
“Mommy, I need to pee!”
“Mommy, I’m hungry/hot/thirsty/have to pee AGAIN!”
Stage Five: Pandemonium
The fireworks start and the children lose their ever-loving minds and scream, cower, and hide. Meanwhile, you’re trying to keep everyone calm so you don’t make a scene/ruin someone else’s time:
Stage Six: Regret
You to Husband: “WE’RE NEVER DOING THIS AGAIN!”
Stage Seven: Denial and Forgetfulness
The next year…
Husband: “Babe, let’s take the kids to see fireworks!”