Now that Downton Abbey is over, I lamented the fact that my Sunday nights would no longer be filled with the rich and infamous dressed in fancy gowns, arguing over who is better than whom while feigning niceties to those around them.
My sadness was short lived when I remembered that the Oscars were coming and I’d be able to see the exact same thing, minus the British accents.
Really, the only awards show that I watch is the Academy Awards. Because, honestly, it’s the only one that matters. The Golden Globes, the SAGs, and even the Critics Choice are comparable to a smiley face sticker on your homework. The Oscars, however, are like that medal you received for perfect attendance and everyone in the school had to clap for you while you stood there looking smug. Yeah, the Oscars are THAT cool.
Granted, I went to bed after Adele sang so I didn’t get to see the “major” awards handed out. But, I did watch a short recap and came up with my favorite moments of the night:
1. Joseph Gordon Levitt and Daniel Radcliffe Singing and Dancing.
I. LOVE. JGL. And Dan-Rad. I’ve missed my lighting-scarred pal ever since the curtain closed on Harry Potter (and I refuse to see The Woman In Black. I don’t need nightmares.) And Joseph is so freakin’ cute. I’ve loved him since he was a long-haired alien on Third Rock From the Sun. Put the two of them together and you get a squealing, giggling me.
2. Seth McFarlane’s Inappropriate Boob Song
Yes, it may have been crude. But its Seth McFarlane. Its like inviting Mariah Carey to sing karaoke and then getting upset when she hogs the mic. Its to be expected. (Also, I loved how Seth said that nobody had seen Jennifer Lawrence’s boobs and it went to a pre-recorded shot of her saying “Yesss!” Love that girl.)
3. Christopher Plummer Being Awesome
“I defeated the Nazis with singing children and a nun. What have you done today?”
Dude may be 150 years old, but he is still looking good. And he’s pretty quick-witted and seems to still have a way with the ladies. I swear I saw him wink and Helen Hunt at some point while on stage. Like a boss.
4. Anne Hathaway’s Acceptance Speech
Let me clarify: I didn’t like her speech. Every time she feigns humility and tries to come up with a clever joke, she always falls flat. And last night when she received yet another award for a movie she was in 45 minutes, I grew weary of her again. When she stood up on the stage and looked at her award and said “It came true” I wanted to vomit. Not only that, but she kept sounding like she was out of breath. I was like, “Anne. You were sitting on the front freaking row! How can you be out of breath?! You either need to up your cardio or get an inhaler.”
5. Kristen Stewart Looking Like A Train Wreck
Homegirl looked a hot mess. Normally when I see her in magazines, not smiling and un-showered, I don’t really think anything of it. But last night was the biggest night in Hollywood. When I saw K Stew hobbling onto the Red Carpet, I literally gasped. Why, why would you show up to the Academy Awards and not wash your hair?! And also, if you’re on crutches, you need to wear a dress that will not slip and make you have many “quick saves”. Also, when she presented with Dan Rad, she obviously looked like she couldn’t care less that she was there. The exasperated sighs were enough for me to yell at the TV: “OMG, don’t go next year!” (In all honesty, she probably didn’t want to go this year. Seeing as how the entire cast and crew of Snow White and the Hunstman were there and everybody knows about her and the director’s sexcapades.) But still, you didn’t have to go, K Stew.