Mommy Monday

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This weekend, I described my #threenager as a “rabid monkey hopped up on speed”. And y’all, its the truth. I don’t know what it is about three-year-old’s but they are CRAY. My dad usually says, “What do you expect? She’s only been in the world three years!” But still. The way a toddler can go from sweet to downright unhinged is insane! I seriously think this is a way a toddler’s mind operates:

 

“My mom just walked into the bathroom and shut the door. She’s probably in dire need of my attention. I better go open the door twenty-seven times to make sure she’s okay.” 

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“What is this thing they keep calling ‘bedtime’? I’ve NEVER heard of this phenomena! I’ll probably never be able to eat anything ever again! I’ll ask for an endless parade of snacks and cups of water, because this is my first bedtime EVER.” 

 

 

“How dare my mom ask me if I want chicken nuggets! Of course I don’t! I want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich!” *PB&J placed before child. Child sees sibling eating nuggets* “I MUST HAVE THOSE CHICKEN NUGGETS! PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY IS GARBAGE!” 

 

“I’m really tired. I don’t think I’ll nap. Instead I’ll just scream, cry, kick, and throw a tantrum whenever someone so much as looks in my direction. Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.”

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“Wow, Mommy cleaned my room so well! She even organized my books. I think I’ll dump them all out on the floor.”

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“Mommy’s carrying the diaper bag, her purse, my brother, her car keys, and a drink. Yeah, I think I’ll ask her to carry my blanket and cup, too.” 

 

“My Daddy’s driving. Now would be a good time to tell him I need my shoe that I purposefully took off and threw into the seat behind me. How should I let him know? Ah, got it! I’ll scream bloody murder! That’ll work!” 

 

“I see Mommy about to lose her last thread of patience because I painted the walls with my markers. I better go give her a hug so she doesn’t come completely unglued.” 

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Sigh. Gotta love those little maniacs.

Mommy Monday

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Motherhood is hard. Its really, really hard.

Imagine having a job in which your boss NEVER leaves your side. He’s always a half step behind you, asking you what you’re doing or what you’re going to do next or if you have any updates on that project you’ve been working on even though you literally told him 10.8 seconds ago that there had been no change.

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Imagine your boss follows you into the bathroom, then touches the toilet, and puts her hands on your face. Then, she requests you cook her lunch. But not the beautifully prepared Pinterest meal you spent time and effort on, she wants a sandwich. Without crust. And with jelly. But not strawberry jelly. Then, when you hand it to her she’ll flip the table over because you cut the sandwich into triangles not squares and the shape of the sandwich is directly correlated to its taste. Basically, triangles are crap and now your sandwich is crap.

Then, your other supervisor makes a gigantic mess in the breakroom. Guess who gets to clean it up? Oh, and you still haven’t had time to sit down at your computer to check emails or make a list of all the things you need to accomplish today because your bosses have keep you busy from the moment you walked in the door. By the time you have a second to breathe and get stuff done, its time to leave.

 

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That’s what motherhood is like.

Now listen, I’m not complaining. (Well, maybe I am a little.) I love my kids. I’m so glad and blessed that I have them and I honestly wouldn’t want my life any other way (though I think I could do with a little less feces and spit up throughout my day). This illustration was just to get you to think. Think about what the moms in your life are going through–especially moms of littles. They’re dealing with tiny dictators that don’t care whether you’re tired or hungry or stressed or PMSing or worried about how you’re going to pay the mortgage. They only think about themselves. And the moms? They’re thinking about them too. Moms carry so much on their shoulders (I know dads do too, but Mother’s Day is this weekend, so back off). They have to keep a record of who ate what, when they ate it, when they last went potty, when they’ll need to go again, whether or not there are diapers/wipes/snacks/sippy cups/change of clothes/a favorite lovey/blanket in the diaper bag and oh, they also need to remember to feed themselves, keep themselves hydrated, and somehow fit all the needs of keeping a household running into their already jam-packed schedule.

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All I’m saying is, if you’re lucky enough to still have your mom around, thank her. Thank her for all she has done. And if you see a mom that’s about to lose her ever-loving mind in the middle of Target, go buy her a cake pop or a unicorn frapp from the Starbucks at the front of the store and tell her she’s doing a good job. I guarantee you it will make her feel like a million bucks.

 

 

Mommy Monday

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Sometimes, as a mom, you have to just embrace the crazy around you and laugh at the ridiculousness that will inevitably happen. At least, that’s what I try to do when my kids have ground Cheerios into a freshly vacuumed floor or unwound an entire roll of toilet paper. Which is why I am loving my latest Amazon find!

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This hilariously true-to-life coloring book, #MomLife: A Snarky Adult Coloring Book, is full of pages that describe what every mom deals with. There are pages for those (literal)”Oh crap!” moments:

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And for those “Is-Your-Father-Home-Yet-So-I-Can-Have-A-Glass-Of-Wine?!” moments:

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Other pages are included and are hilariously titled:

  • Congratulations on Your New Vajayjay
  • I Look So Peaceful when my Kids are Sleeping
  • Potty Like a Rock Star
  • I Breed Nonsleepers
  • No Talkie Before Coffee
  • I Love you to the Moon and Back
  • Mommy’s Juicebox
  • Wine Rhymes with Friday
  • Blowout
  • Not My Circus Not My Monkeys
  • Serenity Now

 

See? Perfect for us! Now we just need the time to actually sit down and color!

 

Mommy Monday

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This week, my sweet little boy turns one. I know, I can’t believe it either! It feels like yesterday I was waddling around saying, “Get this kid out of me!”

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It has been a blur of a year. Between Huff the Babe not sleeping through the night for his first nine months of life to me switching careers, to Huff the Hubs starting grad school and also trying to potty train Huff the Tot, the past 362 days (he’s technically not a year old until Thursday!) have passed by in a haze of diapers, nipple cream, and lots of Diet Dr. Pepper.

When I first found out I was pregnant with a little boy, I won’t lie–I cried. I was so scared. I knew NOTHING of little boys. I was raised with two sisters and all I wanted was three little girls. After seeing the major indication that we were expecting a boy, all I could picture was the rambunctious, loud balls of dirt that played on our street when we were kids. I saw the climbed fences, the desire to play sports (hard pass), and the difficult task of raising a son that was not a misogynist and treated women with respect. How were Huff the Hubs and I supposed to navigate this boy world?!

But then, I held that little boy in my arms for the first time.

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All of my anxieties cleared. (Well, not all. But I definitely felt more at ease.)

All I saw was my sweet little guy. The little one that I had felt inside of my for nine months. The little guy that I would snuggle as I nursed him at 2:00 a.m., bleary-eyed and full-hearted. The tiny boy that would lay his head on my shoulder and snuggle me with such affection. The little man that HtH and I would raise to be a good, Godly man who will hopefully show Christ’s love to everyone he meets.

And, yes, the little boy that will climb on everything and always be covered in some kind of goo, dirt, or slime (much like his older sister).

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I won’t lie, there have been some moments of being a boy mom that I hadn’t anticipated. Like the level of fear I had every time I changed his diaper while his plastibell was still on.

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Or finding a way out of answering Huff the Tot’s question of “What’s that?” while changing HtB’s diaper…

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And even though I’ve been more exhausted and, at times, more overwhelmed  and have less free time than I ever thought possible…

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It has still been an amazing year. And I’m so excited to see what kind of person our little man becomes!

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Happy {early} birthday, sweet boy! I love you!

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Mommy Monday

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Before I had kids, I read A LOT. There was a time I could be found most days with a book in my hand. Then I started ghostwriting. And then I had kids. And my reading log went from about 40+ books a year to maybe four. I’m trying to remedy that, though, which is why one of my goals for 2017 is to read more. I want to read, not only for my own benefit, but I want my kids to see me reading–I want to raise little bookworms!

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So any time Huff the Tot wants to read a book, I {most of the time} happily oblige. Here lately, her book of choice has been an old book of Huff the Hubs’:

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This book is all about Louis Pasteur, the inventor of the rabies vaccine (and pasteurization of milk!). HtT likes to read this book about 2,000 times a day, so it was no surprise to me when she came to me and said, “Mommy, my horse died. Her has the rabies germs.”

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Y’all, I can’t make this stuff up.

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And even though it may sound a bit morbid that my kid is pretending her horse died of rabies, I still think its awesome that my three-year-old is remembering and comprehending the story, as well as building her vocabulary! Those are just a few of the phenomenal benefits your kiddo gets just by you reading to them!

Do you read to your kids? What are some of their favorite books? Share in the comments below!

 

 

Mommy Monday

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I’ve been off my game lately when it comes to blogging. And showering. And fixing my hair. And doing laundry. Why, you ask?

Kids.

Don’t get me wrong; I LOVE my kids. They are the reason I get up every day. (Literally. You can only pretend to be asleep for so long before your toddler knocks on the door, asking for chocolate milk.) But seriously, I love my kids with all my heart. They give me SO much joy! They also give me so many headaches. Because parenting is basically cleaning up after little dictators that push you super close to the edge of a cliff before swooping in and doing something so adorable that you forget all the crap they put you through. And then the next day it repeats.

To keep myself from going completely crazy, I like to read funny tweets from other parents to 1–let me know I’m not alone in this fight and 2–help me to laugh to keep from crying. I thought I’d share some of my favorites with you, because, I’m sure you need a giggle as well!

 

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Seen any funny parenting tweets? Send them to me on Twitter at @thehuffmanpost!

Mommy Monday

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This weekend the fam and I went to the mall and had dinner at our staple–Chick-Fil-A. I know, I know; a mom that loves Chick-Fil-A? How cliche. But everything you’ve heard about how awesome they are is true. Plus, now they have an app with which I can earn points and get free food. The only two words I love more than “free food” is “long nap”. Anyway, I’m getting off topic.

So we’re at the mall… The rest of the fam goes to JC Penney while Huff the Tot and I go snag some PocketBacs from Bath and Body Works (buy three, get two free for the win!). Then we went to Candyopolis because yes, I resort to bribery to get my kid to behave. And a patient toddler gets a Tootsie Pop.

While we’re in the candy store I say, “Hermione, come pick out a sucker.” The worker hears me and says, “Oh, I love her name! That’s so awesome!”

“Thanks,” I say. “We’re big Harry Potter fans.”

When we go to pay for Huff the Tot’s candy-coated bribe, the woman asks, “So what are you going to name this one?” and rubs her stomach.

At first, I didn’t think I heard her right. “I’m sorry?” I asked.

“Are you going to name this one a Harry Potter name too?” she questioned.

I couldn’t believe what she was asking. Did I really look like I was pregnant? I mean, yeah, I’ve still got 10 pounds of baby weight on me, but I was actually feeling pretty confident about myself earlier that day.

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Thankfully, Huff the Tot started taking stuffed animals off of a shelf distracting me and another customer came in, distracting the store clerk.

We walked to JC Penney, me still in shock over what had just transpired and I tried to not cry/go back and punch the girl. Normally, I wouldn’t get too worked up about something like that. I’m of the school of thought where if you don’t like me, I really don’t care. I don’t have time or energy for that foolishness. But that comment hurt. Legitimately hurt.

I guess its because I feel like I’ve been doing a pretty good job of not completely losing my ever-loving mind every single day that putting any effort into my looks has fallen by the wayside. True, I have been doing strength training about 2-3 times a week, but that’s about it.

But seriously though, it took me nine months to gain the baby weight, it’s gonna take about that (or more!) to take off! (Probably more since I’m breastfeeding.) And not only that, but I’ve popped out TWO kids. My body is never going to go back exactly the way it was before kids. A nurse at the hospital when I had Huff the Babe said it best, “Your body is like a balloon that’s been inflated and then deflated; it’s never going to go back exactly how it was.”

The sooner we ladies accept that, I think the better off we’ll be. Jennifer Garner said it best:

 

And you know what? I should be PROUD of my body. I have run two half marathons, a full marathon, hiked up Diamond Head three times,  as well as carried, birthed, AND fed two babies with this body of mine. So yeah, I may have a bump. But you know what? I’ve also got AWESOME.