Mommy Monday

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Sorry I’ve been M.I.A. for a bit, my sister and her brood were in town and we had to cram in a year’s worth of memories and fun in just eleven days! Its been a whirlwind around the Huffman Homestead full of cousin sleepovers, late nights, lots of ice cream eatin’, and TONS of giggles. Now that the Smiths are back in Ohio, we can get the kids back on a normal sleeping routine. Which, in and of itself, is a lot like trying to tape a document back together once its been run through a shredder.

 

 

Sleep training (and sleep re-training) is the worst. Solidarity, Mommas.

Mommy Monday

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Tomorrow is the Fourth of July and I know many of you with small children will be loading up the family and taking them to see fireworks. May I offer you a piece of advice?

 

DON’T DO IT!

 

Seriously. Just don’t. Why? Oh, I’ll explain. Welcome to my presentation: The Seven Stages of Going to See Fireworks With Babies and Toddlers as told in gifs.

 

Stage One: Excitement

Husband: “Honey, the Air Force Base/church/local petting zoo/tire and lube express is putting on a fireworks show for the Fourth! We should take the kids!”

Kids’ reaction:

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Your reaction:

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Stage Two: Prep

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“Johnny needs diapers, wipes, a sippy cup, and hat. Suzy needs a water bottle, a change of clothes, and her favorite bear. We also need bug spray, sunblock, lawn chairs, snacks, a cooler…”

 

Stage Three: Finding a Spot

You will NEVER find one close enough no matter how early you arrive.

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Stage Four: Waiting For the Fireworks

“Mommy, when do they start?”

“Mommy, where are the fireworks?”

“Mommy, I want to go home!”

“Mommy, I need to pee!”

“Mommy, I’m hungry/hot/thirsty/have to pee AGAIN!”

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Stage Five: Pandemonium 

The fireworks start and the children lose their ever-loving minds and scream, cower, and hide. Meanwhile, you’re trying to keep everyone calm so you don’t make a scene/ruin someone else’s time:

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Stage Six: Regret

You to Husband: “WE’RE NEVER DOING THIS AGAIN!”

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Stage Seven: Denial and Forgetfulness

The next year…

Husband: “Babe, let’s take the kids to see fireworks!”

You:

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Sound familiar?

Mommy Monday

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As moms, we know that our work never stops. There’s always laundry to fold, dishes to wash, boo-boos to kiss, tantrums to soothe, and booties to wipe. Our “shift” is never over; its a 24/7/365. The oh-so-funny ladies at My Life Suckas knows what we’re talkin’ about. Just check out this parody of Bruno Mars’ 24K Magic— you’ll be feeling hashtag same, sistah.

 

Mommy Monday

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Today has been one of those days, y’all. Those days that include you literally biting your tongue so you don’t completely lose your ish, sneaking into the other room to inhale a bag of chocolate, and counting down the seconds until naptime.

If you’re like me, on days like this you’ve got to laugh to keep from crying. And I’ve rounded up a bunch of parental puns sure to get you through until your hubs gets home so you can hide in the bathroom to drink wine and surf Pinterest. Enjoy!

 

 

 

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Mommy Monday

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This weekend, I described my #threenager as a “rabid monkey hopped up on speed”. And y’all, its the truth. I don’t know what it is about three-year-old’s but they are CRAY. My dad usually says, “What do you expect? She’s only been in the world three years!” But still. The way a toddler can go from sweet to downright unhinged is insane! I seriously think this is a way a toddler’s mind operates:

 

“My mom just walked into the bathroom and shut the door. She’s probably in dire need of my attention. I better go open the door twenty-seven times to make sure she’s okay.” 

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“What is this thing they keep calling ‘bedtime’? I’ve NEVER heard of this phenomena! I’ll probably never be able to eat anything ever again! I’ll ask for an endless parade of snacks and cups of water, because this is my first bedtime EVER.” 

 

 

“How dare my mom ask me if I want chicken nuggets! Of course I don’t! I want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich!” *PB&J placed before child. Child sees sibling eating nuggets* “I MUST HAVE THOSE CHICKEN NUGGETS! PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY IS GARBAGE!” 

 

“I’m really tired. I don’t think I’ll nap. Instead I’ll just scream, cry, kick, and throw a tantrum whenever someone so much as looks in my direction. Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.”

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“Wow, Mommy cleaned my room so well! She even organized my books. I think I’ll dump them all out on the floor.”

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“Mommy’s carrying the diaper bag, her purse, my brother, her car keys, and a drink. Yeah, I think I’ll ask her to carry my blanket and cup, too.” 

 

“My Daddy’s driving. Now would be a good time to tell him I need my shoe that I purposefully took off and threw into the seat behind me. How should I let him know? Ah, got it! I’ll scream bloody murder! That’ll work!” 

 

“I see Mommy about to lose her last thread of patience because I painted the walls with my markers. I better go give her a hug so she doesn’t come completely unglued.” 

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Sigh. Gotta love those little maniacs.

Mommy Monday

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This motherhood thing can be really hard sometimes. There are days I really feel like I have my ish together and I’m really rocking at my mom-ness. Other days I lay in bed after the kids have FINALLY fallen asleep and think about all the awful things that happened that day.

I shouldn’t have yelled at Huff the Tot like that. 

I should have taken the kids outside. 

Maybe I shouldn’t have allowed the TV to stay on for so long today. 

Did I even read a book to them? 

We had Chick-Fil-A for lunch. I should’ve cooked our meal and made sure there was a green veggie. 

We can really beat ourselves up over the things we think we should have done, should be doing, or how we think our lives should look. Then we feel horrible and think we’re damaging our kids and we’re terrible moms. I had such a day Saturday. Then, I watched this video and it really put things into perspective.

 

I’m going to try to no sweat it when I give my kids crackers instead of kale, pop in Moana instead of trying to learn Mandarin like those “super moms” on Instagram, and realize I’m doing a great job just by being myself.

 

 

 

 

 

Her’s Day Thursday

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This weekend is Mother’s Day and, even though I touched on it during my Monday blog, I want to say again how great moms are. Whether you’re a stay-at-home mom wiping noses/butts/hands all day, a working mom who juggles car pools and staff meetings, a stepmom that is searching for her place in her new bonus kids’ lives, an older mom looking around at her empty nest, or an aunt that loves her nieces and nephews as though they’re her own, I salute you. You do the grunt work: the kissing the boo-boo’s, the driving to and from school events and practices, the searching your kid’s head for lice, cutting crusts off bread, wiping tears from your teen’s face (and holding back your own) because of something that happened at school, and countless other tasks that may seem menial, but to those you are serving it means the world.

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This weekend, sit down, put your feet up, and get pampered! You deserve it! And, on the off chance you’re able to go to the bathroom alone, watch this hilarious video and try to smile at the beautiful chaos that surrounds you!